What’s the similarity between that crazy uncle that every family has, your ex, and your deep, dirty secret that you keep hidden have in common? They’re just three out of several topics you should avoid bringing up on a first date.
People tell me that I tend to be an open book, however when it comes to a first date, I try not to share too much. (Of course, priorities change, if I’m drinking.) While it’s possible to say the wrong things and still have a successful first date, you’ll want to avoid some of these first date conversations/statements, so that you can secure that second date.
“Financially, I’m doing great/awful.”
People tend to draw conclusions based off the income/wealth/economic status of others, so if you want to be evaluated for who you are as a person – your ambitions, personality, interests – then you’ll want to avoid discussing your income generating potential.
“My last relationship ended in disaster.”
You’ll want to try and stay away from relationship discussions that deal with the awful divorce you’re going through or the nasty break up with your last ex. There’s no point in bringing up sad topics on a first date, so you’ll want to avoid talking about your problems. Emotional baggage can make the person you’re on a date with run for the hills, even if you are a perfect match in every other manner. After you’ve been on a couple of dates with each other and have established a romantic connection, then you can divulge your relationship past if it comes up.
“Life just isn’t working out for me right now.”
Confidence is an attractive quality that tends to draw people in. It’s okay if your life isn’t where you want it to be; whether you want to get a better job, a nice place, lose weight, or any number of things, so long as you are proud and confident in yourself. The last thing you want to do on a first date is apologize for where you are in your life journey or to express your dissatisfaction with your life.
“I did want to tell you a dirty little secret…”
You don’t want to divulge information about yourself that’s too personal unless the other person brings it up first and even then you want to tread with some caution. Feel free to let them divulge their secrets while you try to steer clear of letting anything too private slip. There’s no sense in discussing sensitive information about yourself with someone who you may never see again. If you go out on additional dates then you can slowly talk about those more private matters in your life.
“So I just got out of rehab.”
Perhaps you have a couple of personal problems you’ve been working on or maybe you’ve been in therapy since you’ve been a child. Whatever the case is, it’s best not to introduce your life drama and the big issues in it to your new romantic interest. Everyone has some issues in their life, whether they be big or small, but the first date is the time to show case your personality, and not come off as an addict (even if you are one).
“Who are you voting for?”
In the south, there’s a saying about not bringing up politics or religion in polite company. There are plenty of couples who don’t see eye-to-eye when it comes to political or religious views but are still able to be in happy relationships with each other. However, when trying to make a good impression on a first date, it’s best to avoid overly emotional topics that can lead to sparring matches. Remember, if you become a couple then you’ll have plenty of time to get into fights later on down the road.
“Can you pay the check? I’m broke.”
Hey, we all know the economy is in the toilet. You’re broke, I’m broke, we’re all broke. However, common courtesy dictates that the person who did the asking of the date be the one to offer to pay the bill. Let’s face it, times have changed and it’s no longer viewed as it being the guy’s responsibility automatically to pay the bill. That being said, you should never, flat out ask your date to pay the bill as it’s a major turn-off. Additionally, you should avoid using coupons for the first date. It’s great that your internet savvy and able to find a great deal on Yelp or GroupOn, however avoid looking like a cheap-o who picked a restaurant based off its savings. You can save the coupons for your second date.